Real Knee Knockers

One of the things they don't teach us in pharmacy school is how to deal with unexpected situations. So when a patient comes in and does something ridiculous you just have to go with the flow. Understandably, people say strange things when they are sick and sometimes even do things that they never would on a normal day. Well I don't have normal days. Each day is different in its own special way. Most of the time they provide me with long lasting entertainment, memories, and sometimes just piss me off. There is one day in particular that I will never forget.

It was late in the fall and the temperatures here had already dropped to slightly above frigid. The store was buzzing with blue haired ladies and snotty little kids. Each moving at very different paces and at volumes on opposite ends of the spectrum. Generally when the store is full of sticky little vermin I get distracted. I have a hard time deciding if the parents are to blame for the turd-hand terrors destroying everything or if Satan actually sent them specifically for me. I only mention this because on this day I was supposed to give an elderly lady a vaccination. I knew ahead of time that she was very fragile and feared that if I didn't notice her come in that one of the children could knock her down and break her hip! We all know that a busted hip in the elderly is a sure sign that the reaper is on his way to collect.

Sometime late in the morning I observed an Asian woman being helped through the door by a lady about 50 years her junior. Remembering the heavy accent of the caller who made the appointment, I deduced that my patient had arrived. She was almost 5 feet tall and only appeared to weigh about 90 pounds. She was dressed in an over sized sweat suit that I thought had floral designs. Turns out those flowers were just stains of an unknown origin. She had a large smile on her face and was very pleasant during our introduction. She spoke zero English so her granddaughter had to translate for us. After going through the normal pre-shot routine and questions, I took her and the girl into my office to administer the shot.

I placed gammy in a chair and instructed her grand baby to have her slip one arm out of the sweatshirt so that I could get to her shoulder. I turned my back and prepared the injection as the air filled with a language that I would never understand. A banter in some form of Chinese that lasted about 2 or 3 minutes ended and I turned to clean a spot on her arm with alcohol. When I looked up I noticed that gammy had decided to remove her shirt entirely. No problem right? Wrong! Apparently the brassiere is not a popular piece of clothing in her opinion. To my shock gammy was topless! Now the confusing part, where were her tits? Naturally my eyes panned south as I approached her and to my horror there were two hairless cats curled up in her lap eating raisins! Get the picture? There are some things you just can't unsee. All I could do was smile and continue on.

I will never eat raisins again.....