Every pharmacy has a set of regular customers, some we enjoy and some we despise. The regulars provide us with the majority of our stories because they tend to share more personal things. I have come to know many people and the unique problems that each of them have to hide. They range from the serious such as HIV to the mundane like dandruff. There is one person who is very open with me and she loves to share her most intimate details.
Joanie (which obviously isn't her real name) comes into the store about one to two times weekly. Each trip has its own purpose as she ALWAYS has something wrong. I'm not saying she is a hypochondriac but if she mixed in a weekly shower she might not require as much medical attention. Joanie is just over five feet tall and is approximately one hundred and seventy five pounds (including the weight of her constant coat of sweat). She keeps her hair cut short and tends to favor the fashion stylings of a fifteen year old boy. Yes, she is of the lesbian persuasion. Joanie has a very pleasant disposition and is always appreciative of the advice I give her ever though she never follows it.
This particular trip Joanie had two questions for me. She summoned me down to the end of the counter to inquire about a couple of "infections" she was having issues with. The first of the two was fairly common for her and by common I mean weekly. She had in her own words a funky cheese-like discharge coming from her vagina. She knew it was a yeast infection and was curious about her over the counter treatment options. She explained how the odor and viscosity was having a negative impact on her intimate relationship with her girlfriend. All I could think was that I wouldn't want to eat raw goat cheese every day either. I asked Joanie what she had tried and she says "Oh, I know which cream works best, I just want to know if it comes without the applicators?" So of course I asked why she didn't want the applicators. She said because she has one already and she just reuses it. The tickle in my throat was a strong indicator that I desperately needed to vomit.
Her second question came right on the heels of the first and my nausea was building rapidly. She quickly described that she had some pimples that she couldn't get to pop so she called the doctor about it. She asked me if acne on the outside of her vagina was common. She added that the bumps got worse almost every time she shaved down there. I explained that sometimes razors could cause rashes on sensitive skin and that ingrown hairs weren't that uncommon in the genital area. Joanie informed me that a prescription had been called in for her and the nurse said that I (the pharmacist) would tell her what she had. I was anticipating that when I opened the drawer there would be an antibiotic there to treat her minor infection. After I pulled out the prescription I realized that I was going to have to tell Joanie that she had genital herpes.
It was unusually difficult to eat my cottage cheese for lunch that day thinking about her trying to pop her herpes lesions that were covered in cheesy discharge.
