Every once in a while people like to have experiences that remind them of their childhood. Growing up in the South provided me with many opportunities to enjoy some of its traditions. It varies from drinking sweet tea on the porch by the citronella candle to eating Karo syrup sandwiches! I enjoyed every single one of them but there was one that remains close to my heart. My father and I occasionally would have an RC Cola and a moon pie on our way to the races. About 7 years ago I experienced something that took me right back to the roadside service station , but with a slight twist.
I was looking forward to a day in the operating room working along side of an anesthesiologist. I was going to be allowed to sit in on a day of surgeries and learn about all the medications associated with various operations. I am a whore for blood, brains, and guts! There is nothing I enjoy more than seeing someone getting knifed open and having their insides manipulated. This day would prove to test my ability to stay focused in a "sticky" situation.
As with all operating schedules the day started very early (before 7AM). I was decked out in my standard issue baby blue scrubs that at least every person in house keeping had worn once. I also put on my cotton shower cap and shoe covers which complemented the ripe banana colored gown that went over everything. My mask deflected the stench of my own stale coffee breath directly into my nose and simultaneously protected others from the odor. We entered the first room of the day and I felt the bite of the frigid air. Luckily I was wearing all those layers but I was confident that my nipples could slice through them at any moment.
The first case of the day was a woman in her early eighties in desperate need of a shiny new hip. Thanks to her 40 year habit of smoking as many cigarettes as humanly possible, we were not going to be able to put her to sleep. Back then a hip replacement was a brutal process! She would be awake the whole time but the medication would keep her from remembering the awful things the doctor did to her. Including sawing the end of her femur off and hammering the replacement down into it! But before he did that we had to give her a spinal block so she wouldn't feel the pain.
We gave granny a little happy medicine to calm her down so that we could slam a four inch needle into the small of her back. She smelled like an ash tray filled with diarrhea and cat piss. We rolled her onto her side to get access to her back. She was so old she had wrinkles on her ass. The anesthesiologist instructed her to relax and pull her knees up to her chest and told me to bend over so we could get a closer look. Now my face is about 18 inches away from her back and she is not cooperating. He asked me to put my hand on the back side of her leg and help her push her knees up. That's when the situation made a turn for the worse. As I leaned in and started to push something caught my eye. At first glance I thought I recognized it....it was a vanilla moon pie!! This moon pie had some short curly hairs growing on it and I think the cream in the middle had soured. That's right, I was face to face with her vagina. The visual trauma was overwhelming and I seriously couldn't stop looking at it!!
The only problem I had was if I decided to take a bite I didn't have an RC Cola to wash it down.....
